Have you ever wondered if self-care is something that only single people can aspire to? Or have you questioned how other married fellows can spend time in the spa or studying another language instead of having quality time with their spouses after a hectic day at work?
First things first, we are unique individuals with a need to be ourselves. As adults, our well-being is our own responsibility, not anybody else’s. Self-care is about taking care of our needs, emotionally, physically, and spiritually and you don’t have to feel guilty or selfish about it. So, News Flash: Your self-care is important for having a good marriage. Hands down!
Remember: Try listening to yourself – if feeling tense, burn out, resentful, might be time for self-care. It’s better to do it regularly to avoid these feelings.
BENEFITS OF SELF-CARE IN A MARRIAGE:
There are many benefits about self-care in marriage. I’m sure you can think of more benefits that can apply to your individual life, but here are some:
A good example for your kids to see.
Self-care will bring you happiness. The happier and loving you are with yourself the more you will give to the relationship, your family, and your friends.
Time of solitude is beneficial for the connection with your partner.
It’s refreshing for the relationship.
It helps keep the passion in the marriage.
Personal fulfillment is good for self-esteem.
Stress decreases when you do what you like. Less stress better marriage.
IDEAS FOR SELF-CARE IN A MARRIAGE:
It’s important to save a special day or some time for you at least once a month to get out of your head. It should be a priority for you taking care of yourself. Add self-care as an important to-do item on your monthly tasks list. Here are some ideas:
BODY:
Take a nap
Go to the beauty salon to get your hair done
Go to the gym or start a new sport
Hire a babysitter so you can get time for yourself
Go to the beach, a spa or the mall if it makes you happy
MIND:
Look for a hobby you postponed in the past (piano lessons, painting, etc.) and go for it
Start studying (online or on-site)
Start reading books or join a book club in your community
SOUL:
Start meditating – get in touch with your inner feelings
Spend time with friends, those friends that are positive for the marriage
If you have wounds from the past that you need to heal, consider working on that with the help of a therapist.
THE AGREEMENT:
Compromising yourself by avoiding self-care may build some resentment toward your partner and some guilt in yourself. So, talk with your partner about the need for self-care for both of you to grow and feel better as individuals.Try not to think about this personal time as a luxury you can’t afford because in order to have a healthy romantic relationship you two need to love yourselves first. Self-care is not a reward, is a need.
Talk about the frequency you two would need for self-care activities. Try not to judge how your partner’s personal time should be. It’s okay if he/she wants to spend his own time watching sports or a movie on the couch while drinking a beer as he may not understand why you like to go for a Zumba class.
You can agree to have a mix of activities to do together and a couple that you want to do solo… whatever feels good for both of you. No sacrifices are needed here. It’s okay if your spouse says he/she doesn’t need that self-care time but it doesn’t mean that you can’t have it if you want.
Remember to have this conversation with your partner openly and cordially. It’s crucial for your relationship health and for your well-being.
So now, you know that nourishing yourself is vital for you and your marriage. Remember that is very healthy to have “couple time” but it’s essential for you and for your relationship that both of you have their own solo activities, too.
Having your alone time will help you blossom into the best version of yourself and it would be like a battery charger for the relationship. The key here is to find the perfect balance between your personal growth and quality time together as a couple. So, why don’t you start mixing and matching your agenda now?
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To your success!
Your Therapy Friend,
Sofia
Sofia Robirosa is the owner of Infinite Therapeutic Services and is a Relationships & Parenting Expert. She offers individual, couples, and family counseling to individuals seeking to enhance their relationships. Her private practice is located in Plantation, FL. She attended Nova Southeastern University for both her Bachelor and Master Degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and in Business Administration. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Leader in Active Parenting for children and teens, an evidenced based program. She is also a Certified Addictions Professional (CAP). She is a passionately committed therapist, who thoroughly takes pride and joy from her job. She enjoys working with a culturally diverse population and is bilingual in Spanish and English. She is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and an active volunteer of the Broward Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She loves her family, which consists of her husband, daughter, and two dogs. Some of her interests outside of work include spending time outdoors, traveling, and dining. Read more about her at: www.infinitetherapeuticservices.com and follow her on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/infinitetherapy/
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