Raise your hand if you’ve ever been hurt by someone else’s action and find it hard to accept their apology. Raise your hand if you have ever apologized and the person with whom you were speaking found it difficult to accept your apology. Apologizing is a social-emotional skill that human beings can begin to comprehend starting at the age of 4 and takes many years to develop. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, helped write with Jennifer Thomas The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships. The 5 love languages is an effective tool individuals can use to identify and prioritize the way that they like to receive love. This is a similar concept to the 5 languages for apology. Individuals are now able to describe what form of apology fills their glass the most. By the end of this blog, you will be able to identify the 5 languages of apology and your preference in how you would like for someone to apologize to you.
The 5 Languages of Apology
Expressing Regret: This is perhaps the most common language of apologizing that individuals use. Expressing regret is when someone is expressing remorse for their actions, and acknowledging that it may have caused pain or discomfort to the other person. Examples of expressing regret include:
“I’m sorry for raising my voice when you wanted to talk about our relationship.”
“I apologize for blaming you for something that didn’t get done.”
“I’m sorry for forgetting about our movie date. I know we had planned it.”
Accepting Responsibility: This language of apology is expressed by someone taking ownership of their actions by practicing self-awareness. An individual is practicing self-awareness in this language when they can identify the action they did that may have offended the other person. Examples of accepting responsibility include:
“It’s my fault that we missed our flight. Please forgive me.”
“My bad. I know I woke the baby up because I was speaking too loud.”
“This is one me. I understand it’s hard for you to trust me because I have lied to you in the past.”
Making Restitution: Restitution is when someone tries to tangibly show remorse for their actions. An individual may use this apology language when they may have damaged something or missed the mark. Examples of making restitution include:
“I’m sorry for not respecting your time by arriving late to your birthday dinner. Can I please make it up to you by taking you out another day you are available? I will communicate with you more effectively next time.”
“I’m so sorry for spilling my drink on your dress that left a big stain. I will try to be more careful. Can I please pay for the dry cleaning?”
“I feel bad for cracking your coffee mug. I promise to get you a new one.”
Genuinely Repenting: When someone tries to make amends for their actions they are practicing this apology language. This form of apologizing is when someone is recognizing their error, and seeing what is in their power to try to correct it. Ways that individuals can use this language to identify how they will choose a different course of action in the future. Examples of showing genuine repentance include:
“I feel terrible for borrowing your favorite jacket without asking. I promise to ask you first in the future before borrowing something again.”
“I hold myself accountable for being rude during our last meeting. I see that I didn’t create a space for you to feel heard. I will make it a point in meetings in the future to make sure you have time to ask any questions you may have or time for you to share any concerns.”
“I’m sincerely sorry for calling you that mean name. I don’t think that of you. I promise to walk away next time I feel the urge to use name-calling again.”
Requesting Forgiveness: When someone verbally is asking the hurt person to accept their apology. The person who may have hurt the other person involved is showing recognition for the potential pain they may have caused to the other person. Requesting forgiveness in a way is trying to empower the other person. Examples of requesting forgiveness include:
“Will you accept my apology for speaking disrespectfully with you over the phone?”
“Can you pardon me for excluding you from the team?”
“Can you please forgive me for gossiping behind your back?”
Now that you have made it to the end of this blog, can you please raise your hand if you feel that you are now more equipped with different ways to apologize to others, and identify your preference in how you would like to receive an apology? As you can see, apologizing is more than just a word; it is the ability to create opportunities after wrongdoings. We hope that you may use the 5 languages of apology with others, and also in learning to apologize to yourself.
For more tips, please check out our other tips here https://www.plantationcounseling.com/blog. You can always find us at 954-903-1676 for counseling services.
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