The 4 Crucial C’s; A Parent’s Guide to Attend to Their Child’s Needs

What if you had a way to interpret your child’s behavior as a way of communicating their needs and wants? Learning what the Crucial C’s brings you one step closer to becoming your child’s “kid whisperer.” So what are the 4 Crucial C’s? The 4 Crucial C’s are a caregiver’s way of modeling and supporting a child in feeling. The 4 Crucial C’s stand for: Connection, Capable, they Count, and Courage. This theory was developed by Alfred Adler the founding father of the Individual and Holistic approach in Psychology. Terry Kottman is the creator of Adlerian Play Therapy; an approach of using Adlerian theory for children. Using the lens of Adlerian theory it is believed that “all behavior is purposeful.” Let's now dive into each Crucial C to learn the purpose behind a child’s behavior, and how to help them feel each “C.”

Connection

The core need of this first C, connection, is to feel a sense of belonging. When a child feels they belong it enables them to want to engage with others. When children feel that they do not belong, it may cause feelings of isolation, and insecurity. Ways that a child may try to achieve a sense of belonging in a way that may not serve them the best is when they are: behaving like the “class clown”, trying to show off, or doing other forms of “attention seeking behavior.” Children may believe, in a subconscious way most of the time, that doing attention-seeking behavior may be the only way to get this need met. Ways that parents can help children know they belong are: Highlighting and helping children discover their strengths, being genuinely interested and curious in the things that matter to their children, appreciating them for their unique selves,  and spending quality time with them. When a child feels seen, heard, and included it gives them a great sense of security, and helps them to want to take chances to form connections/friendships with those around them.

Capable

The core need of the second C, capable, is to feel that they are competent and able to achieve what they have set their mind to do. Children who may not feel capable of starting or completing something may feel inadequate at times and engage in “power-seeking behavior.” Examples of power-seeking behavior included: behaving in a controlling manner, being overly dependent on their caregiver/others, or being defiant from following instructions. Methods which parents can empower their children to feel capable by giving them responsibility (ex. chores), giving them options/choices when making a decision (limit to two choices), letting them be independent (age appropriately), allowing them to try things, and sharing with them how they have learned through trial and error. By feeling capable a child is given the wings to soar in their self-confidence. When a child feels capable they believe they can accomplish things by themselves, and know how to ask for help when needed. 

Count

The core need of the third C, count, is to feel that one matters. When a child feels that they matter, they feel that they hold significance and that their voice & actions do matter and make a difference. When a child may feel they are not counted on they may engage in “revenge behavior.” Examples of revenge behavior include: when a child may try to hurt someone’s feelings because they feel hurt, or may express the current emotional pain that they are experiencing.  Caregivers can help children achieve this need to matter by modeling how to have conversations of listening and taking turns to speak, helping a child to learn how to problem solve when dealing with life’s daily challenges, discussing and creating rules/expectations together, and allowing a child to contribute their ideas and efforts.

Courage

The core need of the fourth and final C, courage, is to possess feelings of hopefulness, and awareness that they are not defined by their mistakes. A child that may have low feelings of courage may not want to try things and may hope that others have no expectations from them, as a means to avoid being “seen.” This form of behavior is called “assumed inadequacy/avoidance behavior.” Methods in which caregivers can help their child increase their feelings of courage are by: Providing constant encouragement, permitting children to fail without trying to fix it for them, and helping the child to focus more on the steps to complete a task rather than the final result. Additional ways of modeling to a child how to have courage is by teaching them how to break up a task into bite-size steps, helping them engage in volunteer opportunities, celebrating all the mini successes along the way, and reminding your child that you will love them no matter what happens. 

Thus, now that you know the 4 Crucial C’s you may now begin to understand more the language of children’s words and actions and feel more equipped to respond in more helpful manners. Additionally, by growing in your proficiency in applying the 4 C’s you are planting the long-term seeds of life skills to help your child grow into a thriving adult. For more resources like this, please check out our other tips here https://www.plantationcounseling.com/blog.  You can always find us at 954-903-1676 for counseling services.r counseling services.