“It's not what You do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.” -Ann Landers.
Parenting is one of the many parts of life that unfortunately does not come with a “How To” manual. Most of us have either experienced or witnessed tantrums in the grocery store or public places where the parent looks completely embarrassed or horrified. Sometimes we lose our tempers which makes the temper tantrum even worse. We scream, we yell, we take things away and threaten and nothing seems to get any better. So we ask ourselves “How in the world can I fix this behavior??”
Positive reinforcement, according to research, is one of the most effective forms of parenting. Positive reinforcement, according to positive psychology, is used to focus on our children's strengths, draw attention to their interests, and hobbies, and use their personalities to connect, communicate, and empower them to genuinely be themselves. According to Positive psychology, the effects of positive reinforcement are useful for many different reasons including being long-lasting, facilitating growth, development, and self-efficacy, as well as for establishing autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Positive reinforcement makes it possible for parents and caregivers to be able to meet their children’s basic psychological needs through autonomy, competence, and relatedness. It allows us to compliment our children's behavior through praise while also instilling morals, values, and ethics to be used throughout our children’s lives.
Parenting isn't easy and changing disciplinary tactics isn't easy either, but frequency and consistency can go a long way in terms of fostering behavior change with our children. Fortunately, positive reinforcement does not just work well with our children but can also be beneficial in other areas of our lives as well such as at work and in our romantic relationships.
How to Use Positive Reinforcement with Children
Now that we have learned about how positive reinforcement is useful with children, let's focus on how to use positive reinforcement to positively impact our children’s behavior. As parents, it is important to be aware of our feelings and emotions and the messages that we are transferring to our children through those feelings and emotions. Practicing positive reinforcement takes practice, patience, and consistency. First focus on being consistent with your children and remember that change takes time. According to positive psychology, reinforcements should be rewarded in fixed intervals after an agreed-upon time. Schedules should also be consistent to assist with the child's comfort, emotional development, cognitive development, and social development. Schedules are also important for structure in the household which greatly impacts a child's growth and development. Lastly, self-soothing is also imperative for the parent or caregiver to utilize to assist with patience and staying consistent with enforcing positive reinforcement in the home.
Examples of positive reinforcement:
Compliments/praise: compliments assist with our children's sense of self and strengthen your child's confidence. Praise should be given both in public and at home to reinforce positive behavior change. Compliments can be difficult to find when it seems as if “things always go wrong,” but taking a step back and focusing on the positive things that our children did correctly even when it is the smallest instances can be useful in finding positive behaviors instead of focusing on the negative behaviors.
Reward Systems: Rewarding children can be very beneficial for positive behavior change. Rewards are important for encouraging positive behavior; examples are: screen time, extended bedtime, favorite treat or snack.
Physical Affection: pats on the back, friendly smiles, and hugs are all forms of physical affection that can assist with promoting behavior change in our children. A parent's sense of touch can be comforting to our children and reduce tantrums through physical touch.
Freedom of Choice: Letting our children choose their reward or activity can foster a sense of power and independence which can reduce rebellion and acting out at home and in public settings. Of course, it can be limited in terms of time, cost, etc, but listening to what your child might consider as a reward is great way of learning how your child likes to reward himself/herself.
Additional Quality Time: Children should receive quality time despite behavior; however, additional quality time can be a reward. Quality time is important for children to assist with strengthening and fostering strong emotional connections and bonds between family members which can reduce negative risky behavior for our children to engage in.
All in all, parenting isn't easy and can oftentimes feel daunting. Time, consistency, and patience can make positive reinforcement easier to incorporate and improve our children's negative behavior.
For more tips, please check out our other tips here https://www.plantationcounseling.com/blog. You can always find us at 954-903-1676 for counseling services.
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