The holiday season is often seen as a time for joy, togetherness, and celebration. For some, the holidays can be the exact opposite. For recently divorced couples, it can be difficult to find the “jolly” and also bring about challenges that aren't present in traditional households. Negotiating time with children, balancing emotions, and managing expectations are just a few of the complexities that may arise for divorced families. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in 2022, 2,065,905 marriages and 673,989 divorces occurred. Surviving the holiday season as a divorced family may seem like a daunting and impossible task, but it is possible.
To ensure the holidays remain a positive and enriching experience for all involved–especially for the children, thoughtful planning and a cooperative mindset are essential. In this blog, we will explore strategies to help divorced families navigate the holiday season successfully, to increase the feeling of being valued and included.
Tips for Managing the Holidays as a Divorced Family
Prioritize the Children: The most crucial aspect of managing the holidays in divorced families is prioritizing the well-being of the children. Their sense of stability and happiness should always be the guiding force behind holiday planning and structure.
Time with both parents: Typically, holidays are already defined in parenting plans and usually the children enjoy time with both parents. This is important to protect, so the children can foster holiday rituals and traditions with both parents.
Create Consistency: Wherever possible, try to maintain traditions that the children are familiar with. These traditions can include tree decorating, gift opening, and attending special family gatherings. Consistency can help children feel secure, even if some aspects of the holiday have changed due to the divorce.
Co-parent Kindly: Practice clear and concise communication with your ex-spouse about holiday plans, and keep communication open. If you need to make adjustments to the schedule, address them calmly and respectfully. Open communication fosters a sense of partnership, which benefits the children and makes the holidays smoother.
Be a Team player: Cooperate with one another to make the children's holiday a success. Avoid trying to out-compete the other parent. It can be easy to get into a competitive spirit with two separate families. Competition can cause children to become stressed and also stuck in the middle of conflict.
Avoid Conflict: No matter how challenging it might be to interact with your ex-spouse, it’s crucial to avoid displaying conflict in front of children. Witnessing arguments or disagreements can create anxiety and stress.
Practice Healthy Communication: It’s important to refrain from negative talk about the other parent. Negatively speaking about the other parent with children can cause children to experience guilt, shame, blame and feel torn between loyalties. Instead, express enthusiasm about the time they will spend with their other parent, helping to foster a positive environment for them.
Plan Effectively: One of the biggest stressors for divorced families during the holidays is time management. For example, who gets the kids on Christmas morning? Will they be with one parent for Thanksgiving and the other for New Year's? These questions can be a source of contention if not planned accordingly, specifically and in advance.
Practice Flexibility: Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes last-minute changes are necessary. Try to remain flexible if unforeseen circumstances arise, and approach any changes with compromise and what's best for the children. While having a set schedule is important, understanding that things might not always go exactly as planned can help reduce stress for both the child and the parent.
Embrace New Traditions: Divorce can lead to new family traditions. Both households in this decision should be considered. Varieties of celebrating can be a positive adaptation for children. Traditions can include special meals, unique family outings, gift trading or giving, and religious ceremonies.
Boundaries: Allow the other parent to spend the holidays as they see fit and honor their traditions. Creating friction about the other parent's holiday can cause stress and anxiety for children.
Navigating the holidays as a divorced family can be challenging, but with thoughtful planning and a focus on the well-being of the children, it can also be a time of warmth, love, and renewal. By prioritizing communication, respecting each other’s time and traditions, and maintaining a cooperative spirit, divorced parents can create a positive and enriching holiday experience for their children, while also finding joy for themselves in this special time of year. For more resources like this, please check out our other tips here https://www.plantationcounseling.com/blog. You can always find us at 954-903-1676 for counseling services..
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