How to Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Do you ever feel as if you are doing everything for everybody else except for yourself? Do you feel as if your cup is always empty because you've given out your water to the entire world? Do you ever feel as if you try and try?

So let’s start off with, what are boundaries. Boundaries are described to be personal limits and rules that you set within yourself and with other people. Boundaries tell you and the other person what is okay and what is not okay in regard to how they treat you. Our boundaries are also usually interconnected with our personal value system which makes them even more powerful and useful to our relationships and everyday lives. Boundaries can be emotional, physical, intimate, mental boundaries, and material, and even can involve time. It is very important to preserve your well-being while being in your relationships with others through boundary setting but how do we accomplish this and stick to it? In this blog, we will explore practical tips on how to maintain your boundaries with friends and family, why it’s important, and how to overcome the common challenges that may come your way. 

Tips for Maintaining Boundaries 

1. Know What Your Boundaries Are: Before you can communicate and maintain your boundaries, you have to know what your boundaries are. Explore and process what your needs are, what makes you feel comfortable, and when is recharging necessary. Once you know your boundaries, communicating your feelings and needs will feel like a breeze. Confidence comes with knowing and being sure of what you want. 

Examples of questions that are good for knowing what your boundaries are)

1. How much alone time do I need to recharge my social battery?

2. How can I help others in a healthy manner without disregarding my own needs? We all need time to fill our cup.

3. What makes me feel uncomfortable?

4. What is a healthy balance for attending events?

5. What will I not tolerate?

2. Communicate Clearly and Effectively: Communicating your boundaries clearly and effectively is key to maintaining your boundaries. Utilizing assertive communication and taking into account another person's needs are essential to respectful communication. 

For example: If a family member or friend asks you for a favor that you’re not comfortable with, instead of saying “I can’t do that,” try saying, “I’m unable to help with that at the moment because I need to focus on my own responsibilities.”

3. Stay Consistent: Consistency is key when maintaining boundaries. If you set a boundary and then become “loose with your boundaries” or allow exceptions too frequently, it can send mixed signals to others. For example, if you decide you’re not available for late-night phone calls, but occasionally answer them when asked, your family or friends may begin to expect you to be available all the time. Sticking to your boundaries and reinforcing them in a respectful manner can assist with staying consistent with your boundaries. 

4. Brace for Pushback!: It’s normal for you and other people in your life, especially the ones that are close to you to push back when you first set a boundary. This does not mean that you are doing something wrong nor does it mean that you should not set the boundary. Your family and friends may be used to how you did things before. Due to their normalcy, they may be resistant to the changes that are occurring. Even through the shift, it is important to stay consistent and patient while friends and family members adjust to the changes and the new boundaries setting you. If a family member or friend challenges your boundaries, stay consistent and remind them of the boundary that you set in a calm, and respectful manner through assertive communication. 

5. Practice Self-Care: Much like through any transition, taking care of yourself will be the center of healing for you, and maintaining emotional and physical well-being. Engage in activities that are recharging for your overall wellbeing. Recharging is important for having a clear and energetic mind. If you notice that you experience feeling overwhelmed or exhausted, this may be a sign that your body is sending you a message that you have overextended yourself or “poured too much water out of your cup.” In this case, more self-care is needed to regroup and recharge.

6. Shift as Needed: As relationships evolve, so will your boundaries. Just like riding waves in the ocean, you have to go with the flow as the changes arise. Feel the waters and the waves and adjust your stroke or swim pattern accordingly. It's important to evaluate your boundaries periodically and adjust them as your needs change. What worked for you a year ago may not continue to be useful today. Also, boundaries that you set with family members or friends in the past may also need to be revisited if the dynamics of your relationship change. Flexibility is important with your boundaries in regard to your personal well-being.

Change is natural and change will happen. Allow yourself to be able to adapt to the changes. 

In conclusion, setting and maintaining boundaries with friends and family can be challenging, but is imperative to your overall health and wellness. Knowing your wants, needs and limits while consistently communicating them effectively can assist you with maintaining your boundaries. Don’t forget that boundaries are not brick walls—they are tools for implementing mutual respect, understanding, and balance.

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