Home for the holidays: 6 tips on how to maintain your cool throughout the holiday season

The holidays are exciting! It is filled with opportunities to shake it off, dream of better times, and be merry with anticipation. Or not. For some the holiday season is a stark reminder of darker times in their life, they would rather forget.

On whichever side of the spectrum you find yourself, here are a few tips to help make this time a bit smoother and perhaps enjoyable:

1. Leave your issues at the door: We all have our everyday problems that range from a broken dishwasher to not having enough to cover for the last 3 weeks of daycare, to a nosy neighbor or a stressful relationship. Life does not give us breaks at times. For that reason, when attending a holiday gathering, leave those worries behind. Imagine the event door you walk through as a magical permission slip to shelf the problem for a few hours and enjoy living. Will it solve your problems? No. But it may help you to remember that life is still worth celebrating, even for a short time. Until the next occasion.

2. Mental preparation works wonders: If you are aware that a particular family member, acquaintance, or co-worker will be in attendance at a holiday gathering, that turns your stomach, or seems to seek you out to ruin your night, be ready and stay steady with mental preparation. Spend 5 to 10 minutes before the event reflecting on the specific behaviors or conversations you are likely to encounter from this particular person. Now practice clear and logical responses; (staying away from emotionally reacting will keep you feeling steady and in control). For example, “Excuse me while I refresh my wine glass.” Or “I love this decor the host has, it's giving me wonderful ideas.” And, “I love this song, it brings back great memories, what are some of your favorite memories?”

3. Avoid engaging in topics that hit a nerve or that hold special personal meaning for you. The big ones: Religion, politics, foreign rights, raising of children. Holiday events are meant to increase endorphins, relax the mind of heavy issues, and enjoy the simple pleasures of socializing. If you find yourself among others who have not left those issues at the door, remind yourself that their opinions are their own and have NOTHING to do with your life on the homefront. As much as you wish you could change their viewpoint, they are probably thinking the same. Let it go. After all, it is not your responsibility to educate others when unsolicited. If this is an important topic for you, practice these polite replies that allow you to stay in integrity: “I appreciate you sharing that, but I’d like to focus on lighter subjects at this moment. I noticed you like the color red (say they are fully in red), is that your power color?” Or, “Religion is so fascinating, and I can see that it resonates with you. And I think that’s wonderful.” If the person takes the subject and tries to teach you, and it’s unsolicited, all they ‘know’ without showing interest in your knowledge, moral value, or personal relationship with a higher power, then feel free to smile and excuse yourself politely. 

4. Moderate your alcohol or substance intake. Alcohol is synonymous with celebratory gatherings. Drinking may seem like a great tool to relax the nervousness of social occasions, but overdoing it may cause you to say, react, or behave in a manner that you will regret the next day. Avoid this dreaded moment of clarity when the sun rises, by savoring rather than chugging the wine or cocktail of your choice. Keep cool. There is no rush. More than likely there is enough to go around for everyone. 

5. Take a breather literally. Taking steady deep breaths sends signals to your brain that: a) You are safe, b) Reduces anxiety, c) Which in turn tells your brain you do not have to go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. In other words, you can chill. You don’t have to go outside unless you want to or find a corner to go sit in a meditative pose. Nope, you can take those deep steady breaths right where you stand, and enjoy the sound and motion of your peace, while the chatty guest goes on about his wild adventure in the Costa Rican rainforest.

6. Take it for what it’s worth. After you have settled in enough and gained a sense of your bearings. Take some time to take in the space, its unique setting, and the people. Instead of trying to not escape the environment, practice observing what is okay about it, and not what is wrong. That includes your person.

Smell the change in season in the months to come. Each day can be different from the next. Not all moments are the same, and some people remind us that we may not have all the answers, but we can find some pretty okay ones, if we take our time to enjoy small moments that may add up to mean so much more over time. You can keep that going by learning to not allow others to rain on your parade.

For more resources like this, please check out our other tips here: https://www.plantationcounseling.com/blog. You can always find us at 954-903-1676 for counseling services.