HOW TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP AFFAIR-PROOF
Many people, and maybe you too, wonder if there’s a way to make your relationship affair-proof. Is there a shield that can be built to prevent infidelity from sneaking into your marriage? My answer is: Yes! There are some measures you and your spouse can take from now on so infidelity will be less likely to threaten your married life.
As you know, it’s very common to read about affairs in the tabloids or TV shows. It seems that the most famous marriages have gone through this at some point in their marriage and we, the non-famous people, are not that exposed to that kind of risk. But, that’s not true. Up to 40% of couples experience infidelity in their relationship! A staggering number, huh? And the worst and scary part of it is that many times it leads to divorce.
Trust is Key
Trust is a vital component in a relationship to last and be satisfying. It has multiple layers, and of course, the biggest breach of trust is when an affair happens. People stray and the motivation is not necessarily based on sex only, but many other reasons.
Anyway, after the affair happens, repairing trust is a must. Restoring trust is not an easy job; sometimes it requires a lot of work and the help of an expert.
Making your relationship affair-proof is about nurturing a relationship where the connection is solid and there is open space to communicate each other’s needs and wants. That’s the secret sauce to have a long-lasting affair-proof relationship. But, let’s learn a little bit more about it.
What is the Science of Trust:
Most couples start their marriage trusting each other. For some, over the years, love and affection may suffer the effects of time and routine, causing one or both partners feel alone and not heard.
Remember that trust starts at knowing that your spouse cares about your thoughts, feelings, needs, wishes, and dreams. Trust is built when each partner is there for the other one. The lack of that can bring a chance for a betrayal to show up.
Let’s watch what Dr. John Gottman has to say about trust in marriage and relationships:
The Importance of Trust - John Gottman
There are many trust killers in a relationship but here are some of the most important ones that you can start focusing on:
Things that Kill Trust and Can Lead to an Affair:
- Poor communication
Communication is the foundation of all relationships. You have to be careful on what you say and how you say it. Stop interrupting your partner and respect his/her opinions and needs. Poor communication can weaken the relationship; if your partner feels unheard, he/she will be more vulnerable to seek someone who can listen outside the marriage. That said, I encourage you to try to improve your assertive communication skills if you want to affair-proof your marriage!
- Shutting down
Some people when feeling mad or annoyed by their partner, they just shut down. This is known as stonewalling, and as you can imagine, this is when the person refuses to express what he/she feels. They build a wall between them and their partners in the attempt to avoid conflict. This behavior is very distressing for the stonewalling partner as well as for the shutout one.
- Comparing to others
When we compare, we tend to do this to provide an example. However, comparing the shortcomings of a spouse with another person hurts, and may bring conflict into the relationship. Be careful! It can be very destructive. Not all people are alike, so no two relationships are alike either.
Have you ever told your spouse about how you felt when talking to your co-worker about an issue at work and realized that your story fell on dead ears? Sometimes, couples start ignoring each other when they want to avoid conflict, don’t want to deal with emotional issues, or have no interest in the topic of discussion. When the spouse feels neglected a distance is created between the partners and that can destroy the marriage and lead to infidelity.
A love affair is a relationship, that may be solely emotional, mostly sexual or romantic, or a combination of both, between two people of which at least one is married. It’s the breaking of a tacit commitment and trust. Usually, men tend to betray from a sexual motivation, while women may do it for emotional satisfaction, but most of them cause the same pain to the betrayed partner.
Here are 6 tips I want to share with you that can make your relationship affair-proof.
6 Tips to Make Your Relationship Affair-Proof:
There are some measures you can take to avoid wrecking your marriage through infidelity and keep the relationship healthy and steamy:
- Avoid online cheating by having clear boundaries about the use of technology.
- Work on your friendship with your spouse by focusing on continuing to know each other well. Practice appreciation and have plenty of quality time together. Some people who feel lonely are prone to seek consolation from an outsider…
- Keep the flame alive in the bedroom by being creative. Send passionate text messages to your spouse, use sexy lingerie, and flirt more…
- Build a solid and open communication channel between both of you. Learn how to hear each other’s needs and how to resolve conflict when it arises. And of course, don’t forget to talk about the importance of fidelity.
- Share and honor your individual dreams and wishes, as well as for the marriage and for your kids -if you have any.
- Keep the connection with your partner on a daily basis. And here is the best part: Have dates and getaways once in a while. That’ll be fun and beneficial for the relationship!
“TRUST CAN BE REBUILT. IT TAKES TIME, COMMUNICATION
AND PURE HONESTY.”
Sofia Robirosa, MBA, LMFT, CAP.
To safeguard a relationship from infidelity it takes awareness and active participation from both partners. An affair could happen to anybody and shatter a valuable relationship. It can damage trust and cause a lot of pain. The impact can be devastating not only for the couple but for the entire family who can be threatened by the “D” word. What I love the most about these tips is that they enhance any relationship. Try them! I don't think you’ll regret it.
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To your relationship success!
Your Therapy Friend,
Sofia Robirosa is the owner of Infinite Therapeutic Services and is a Relationships & Parenting Expert. She offers individual, couples, and family counseling to individuals seeking to enhance their relationships. Her private practice is located in Plantation, FL. She attended Nova Southeastern University for both her Bachelor and Master Degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and in Business Administration. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Leader in Active Parenting for children and teens, an evidenced-based program. She is also a Certified Addictions Professional (CAP). She is a passionately committed therapist, who thoroughly takes pride and joy from her job. She enjoys working with a culturally diverse population and is bilingual in Spanish and English. She is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and an active volunteer of the Broward Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She loves her family, which consists of her husband, daughter, and two dogs. Some of her interests outside of work include spending time outdoors, traveling, and dining. Read more about her at: www.infinitetherapeuticservices.com and follow her on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/infinitetherapy/